The Dynamics of Polarization

That is the catchy title that caught my attention in a list of continuing education options I was reviewing recently. It was a 3-hour online workshop that focused on theories of social interaction and small group practice at methods of conversing with people of various opinions. Frankly, it was fascinating, starting with this:

Polarization: the tendency to hold strong differences of opinion and make those differences personal.
(Betty Pries, Credence and Company)

I'm sure you've already surmised that this has applications in our current political and social climate. However, it is just as prevalent and just as challenging in the church. For example, let's consider the potentially polarizing scenario of a group that wants to maintain the church's traditions as they have always been and a group that wants to innovate and try some new things...as if anything like this would cause issues in a congregation. :-)

So two main ideas I want to share with you. First, we tend to approach situations like this from an either/or perspective. Our society, especially these days, demands that someone be right and someone be wrong. And so our...uh... "conversations" around opinions like this tend to become efforts to convince or "turn" the "other side" to our point of view. This push to convince others that they are "wrong" is at the least unhelpful and potentially damaging to relationships.

Rather than set up this kind of false dichotomy, presenter Rev. Cynthia Vermillion-Foster of Openheartconsulting.org suggested an "both/and" approach. Considering the strengths of both opinions and how they might work together leads to better understanding. For example, one might see that both sides of tradition and innovation believe that it's important for the church to be relevant to people of all ages.

Speaking of strengths leads to the second point I want to share. We tend to argue these positions of opinion from the perspective of the other's weaknesses. "I'll tell you right now why that won't work!" Nothing like putting everybody on the defensive right from the start!

A more helpful approach would be to start out acknowledging the strengths of the "other side" while recognizing how our own position might fall short. It is an approach of humility that is all too often absent in our public discourse. Then one can identify complementary strengths in one's own opinion. This builds some trust and rapport which makes some dialogue about the apparent "weaknesses" of the other's opinion easier to talk about.

None of this is new information and yet once a healthy disagreement turns personal, the emotions tend to throw us off our better instincts. So as holiday family gatherings approach, remember that there is room for multiple opinions in healthy disagreement (both/and) and that understanding another's viewpoint often requires humility that allows us to listen and seek understanding.

More hugs...less finger pointing. Merry Christmas!